An abrupt ending

This will be my last post. The inevitable has happened and people have found the blog. When the first one referred to it the other day, it was not ideal, but I didn't see it as a great impairment to my continuing. Two people was more worrying, but I thought it was still do-able. When it gets to three people, however, it's really unworkable, especially because three people unrelatedly discovering it in I imagine about one week suggests a very large growth rate (I suspect the elections: people are probably searching for LSE stuff quite avidly at the moment). My position has always been that I don't mind what I share with people I've never met but having people you know read what is effectively a diary is a recipe for disaster. I had considerable opportunity to reflect on this (though, tactfully, in silence) whilst in Japan when my fellow teacher and good friend from elsewhere in the prefecture would tell me at great length of the amazing complications and general nastiness that had resulted from her ex-best friend's reading of her live journal. So I'm not going to go down that road.

That said, this is not the biggest problem. I haven't written anything that I would personally be embarrassed to have people read (though this may be because I haven't generally gone back and read what I've written afterwards...)- after all, it's not as if I was unaware that, in putting things on the internet, I was running the risk of people finding them. The biggest problem is simply one of attitude. Were I unaware that people I knew visited the site, even if I suspected that they might, so long as I wasn't sure, I could carry on. I might even manage if I knew for certain, but was also sure that they didn't know I knew (though this is more doubtfull). But I simply can't write in the knowledge that what comes out may well be read. This is partly an issue of intent to communicate: there are many things that I don't mind people knowing but do not want anyone to suppose that I actively wanted to make people aware of*. For example, supposing I were to write about how busy I'd been doing various voluntary activities, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I was mentioning it in order to elicit gratitude or recognition from others involved in the same things, since I would in fact just be relating this since it was part of my life, and for interest value, even if I included comments to the effect that I'd been really busy and was feeling tired. It's also however partly to do with how I am as a writer. I'm not a natural writer, hence why I'm not doing an essay subject, and I find that unless I have a usefull conception of my audience I either can't come up with anything at all and spend the time staring at a blank screen or else only write things that sound very silly. What a usefull conception of my audience consists of depends on what I'm writing. For fiction (comic; I can't do any other kind no matter what audience I think of) that would be my friend Ginger, as for example when labouring on that great, as yet unpublished work The Adventures of Jeremy Bentham (sadly currently stalled since Ginger's been busy training to be a lawyer; it's coming up to two years since I sent her my last episode). In the case of this blog, it's harder to define, but a very important characteristic of it was that this audience knew nothing of the events and people I was talking about, and that I never met any member of it. Were I to try and write it now, I'd be back to the blank screen or the very silly tone. I'm only managing to write this because of the aforementioned alcohol, I think.

So, I'm not writing any more, or at least I'm not publishing. I'll probably continue to write posts and just save them all as drafts, then come back in five or ten years time and publish them all, by which time you'll all have forgotten about it, and if you come across the blog afresh it'll all be so long ago that it won't matter. I am however going to leave the already published parts where they are, except for one post in which through an error of judgment I revealed a few things that I shouldn't have (and definitely wouldn't have had I not been lulled into a false sense of security consisting of the belief that if anyone I knew, or who knew those mentioned anywhere on these pages, was going to find the blog it would surely have happened by now given that it's been there for six months). I'm very sorry about that- and if anyone finds anything elsewhere that they think is inappropriate or would be better unmentioned please comment and I will probably remove it (and reject the comment so that it doesn't appear on the blog at all, since of course if it did that would be counter-productive). I'm also prepared to listen to arguments from anyone who thinks that the whole thing should go. On this point I would like to make clear, so that no-one gets the wrong idea, that although it looks as though in some cases I have revealed information about the Sutherland campaign that could have given away our plans before we carried out, in fact the dates of the posts are misleading in these cases and those parts of them were added after the event. But if anyone thinks anything on here as it stands is harmfull, I will remove it.

I'm sorry to my non-LSE readers, who are being prevented from seeing any future posts simply because there is no way to allow them access while keeping the posts from LSE people, but hey, there were only about 6 of you at the most popular times, and just 1 at the least, and anyway I'm sure it's no great loss to you. Come back in five or ten years if you still care. And thank you for reading.

I will just say a last word or two for the sake of narrative, in case anyone was wondering How It All Turned Out. Of course, this is real life and there is no point at which you can say now an ending has been reached and go back and look at it to see if it was happy. But since we have this artificial ending, I will try not to leave loose ends so far as reality permits.

To begin with, I'm happy. It may of course just be the three large glasses of wine**, but I think not. This has been a very happy year for me, because I've managed to land on an amazing balance of doing enough to provide an interesting day-to-day experience while not taking on enough responsibility to actually get stressed and worn out- something which can probably only happen as a student and maybe even only as a student at LSE (though I'm sure students elsewhere would disagree)- because all this interesting stuff is so very varied and has allowed me to indulge my butterfly nature to the full***, because it's not left me the time to sit around in my room doing nothing very much, which I tend to do given the chance but which is actually pretty depressing, and because of everyone I've met in the course of all this. I'm thus globally, or long-term trend happy****, but I'm also currently, short term, in terms of my present mood, happy. Again, it could well be the wine, but I had a nice evening, and I'm feeling a lot more relaxed about everything. I had a long chat with S yesterday about my love life- she brought the subject up by asking what we were going to do with me- and a lot of usefull stuff came out of it, but most of all just the key concept of being more relaxed, which of course I already knew inside, but it took the conversation to bring it out. When I say I'm feeling a lot more relaxed about everything, though, I really do mean everything- just being more relaxed in one area turns out to have a knock-on effect and I am feeling more relaxed in general. Of course, it helps that there's nothing left to wonder and worry about in terms of what I was wondering and worrying about a week or so ago- it may not have been resolved the way I would ideally have wished, but it is definitely resolved.

Other on-going themes are harder to bring to a narratively satisfying conclusion. Sutherland, for example- who knows? I'd like to be optimistic and say that he won't get as far as taking up office but I'm not really convinced that's a realistic prediction. Maybe the best to hope for is that although he takes up office, the campaigners (of whom I will much to my regret no longer be able to be one, since I won't be at LSE any more) manage to persuade him or the School that it's all too much hassle and cause him to resign quite early. Again, I'm not really convinced by that. So I suppose a less happy ending here.

Maybe the only other thread is my degree. Again, who knows? I'll try my best, in which I will be aided by the quietness of LSE after the end of Lent Term- I'll really miss everything going on but it will be vital for my achieving a respectable mark. At least my presentation is getting somewhere, small part though it is of the whole degree. Actually, that is something I might post about- I've been wanting to go into why it's such a rubbish paper, and that would probably still be possible.

I leave you with the picture at the top of the page for five or ten years. I decided to put it there because if I'm going to leave one post on the front page for that long it might as well look nice, it's not actually a recent picture. In fact, I took it in Japan. It's quite apt though- partly because spring is coming, but also as a metaphor for the briefness and fragility of the blog's hidden existence, though of course not as poetic a metaphor as the Japanese view of cherry blossom as representing the briefness and fragility of human existence (I think the Samurai values come into it somewhere) which is apparently why they make such a big deal of it every spring.

*I'm not too sure of grammar in quite a bit of this: there was quite a bit of alcohol in the earlier part of the evening, or at any rate, if not quite a bit then it certainly had quite an effect

**I still can't get over what an effect they had

***I have a terrible tendency to get extremely interested in one thing for a few weeks and then push it right to the background for months while I get extremely interested in something else and so on. But why am I telling you this?- if you've been reading this blog then you know that already

****see first note

A lot of focaccia for someone who doesn't like the stuff (and quite a bit of alcohol too)

Alcohol: it's a funny thing. I've had quite a bit of it over the past few days: Thursday was a bottle of champagne* that Ginger brought shared with her over a DVD (The Big Easy, which she also brought), Friday was CRUSH (my first time) and today was a third of a bottle of white wine which I drank watching Sex and the City with L. What's so funny about it is that today I actually had the least to drink of all three days, at just a third of a bottle each (the other third was saved for a flatmate who wanted to share the wine but didn't want to see Sex and the City as she has all the episodes)- Thursday was of course half a bottle and at CRUSH I had 7 drinks- and yet I definitely feel drunk now whereas I didn't feel more than very very slightly tipsy on Thursday or Friday. Anyway.

My plan for Friday was to get in to LSE by 10 or 11 and help on the stall pretty much till it closed, but with a break to go and see the Surveys and Experiment Design lecturer about a book which he said he'd lend me which was one of the key sources used by the paper I'm doing my presentation on, and probably a break for lunch too. It was kind of annoying to want to be in comparatively early (considering I have no lectures on Friday) since for once Ginger didn't have to be in for 9 o'clock, since she has what I would call Reading Week but which actually goes by the name of Study Leave; we could have stayed up very late inded watching more than one film and still got plenty of sleep if I hadn't needed to go in. But I really didn't want to miss out on helping with the stall; I'm not quite sure why but for some reason I like manning stalls, especially stalls selling things. Never mind the masters in statistics, sometimes I think I'd be quite happy working as a checkout girl...

Anyway, I got to the LSE area at ten thirty or thereabouts, but didn't go straight onto campus as I'd forgotten to pack any sanitary towels and thus needed to get some for use during the day before getting dug in on the stall**. I thought Tescos on the end of the Strand would be the nearest place to get them, but it turned out they didn't stock them so I walked up to Boots at the Holborn end of Kingsway, and before I'd got halfway there I felt ravenously hungry to the point of being slightly dizzy- well, I hadn't had any breakfast, and I hadn't been eating as much as usual recently***. I decided I needed something to eat as soon as possible, so after I'd been to Boots I went and had a buiscuit cake bar and a cup of tea at Pret a Manger on Holborn. I lingered over it, and it was about 20 to 12 before I got to the stall.

I was by myself on the stall for a couple of hours- to begin with I was with a girl who had been there on Tuesday, but then she had to go, and at the end Z was there for a few hours- but it wasn't nearly so much of a problem this time because we'd sold a lot of the stock in the meanwhile and it was down to a small enough amount that we had it all out on the table or in a couple of boxes behind it, so that there was no need to run to the Communications Officer's office for certain sizes. It did mean I couldn't go and get lunch, but that was fine because a bake stall to raise money for a volunteering trip to Morocco was doing business about three metres away and I patronised it extensively. They had amazing foccacia made with half wholemeal and half white flour- I don't usually like focaccia but this was excellent, more like home-made pizza base- as well as sweet crepes, cakes and rice crispie cakes. The people manning it were really nice and even gave me a free piece of cake after we'd both been there a few hours (and I'd bought quite a bit off them), presumably because they felt sorry for me! Anyway, as I say, we had all the stock at the stall, but actually we'd run out of many sizes of the more popular design- annoying for people who wanted that one, but I suppose it was very good news from our point of view as it meant we wouldn't be looking at too much unsold stock at the end.

It was nice over the last few hours talking to Z and a girl I hadn't met before who I don't think was helping officially with the stall but advertised it for us with a loud hailer and stood on Houghton St trying to sell some of the bags of sweets that were also part of our merchandise (along with pint glasses and wristbands- neither of which were selling great, particularly the wristbands, in spite of their allowing the wearer to jump the queue at CRUSH, but as the year wasn't written on them anywhere I suppose they can just hang on to them and get them out again next time, which means they won't have made a loss).

I did manage to get to the lecturer's office before he went home****, and got the book and sat reading it in the Quad*****, waiting to meet R whom I was going to CRUSH with. In the course of just a couple of pages it turned out to be a pretty racist work, inasmuch as it was stating that different races have different average IQs. Of course I don't really know much about it, but what I've seen of that book so far and of the Kanazawa paper- I finally read it about a week ago and it is deeply deeply flawed in at least three major ways which I will go into later- leads me to suspect that IQ is a measure of education rather than native intelligence (in which case the statement that different races have different IQs while still by definition racist would probably not be erroneous or a bad thing to say, since sadly in the world as it is at present different races almost certainly do not get equal quality of schooling), something that I hope to do a bit of reading on to see whether this is correct, because it's something I vaguely recall hearing in the past, and everything would make more sense if it was (which is not to say that I will approach matters in an unscientific mind-already-made-up manner of course- I will look at what is said on IQ generally rather than specifically hunting for books that claim it is a bad measure, but I expect to find in the course of this considerable opinion to the effect that it is). In any case, even if IQ does turn out to be a good measure of intelligence there are still two fundamental parts of the design of his experiment, or method of drawing his conclusions that are simply wrong through and through.

R and I went and had supper at ULU- the first time I'd been since last summer (when I went there with a couple of my UCL friends although technically only one of us was at that time a student of the University of London (I hadn't started at LSE yet). Sadly they no longer do the rather bizarre veggie nuggets with sweet and sour sauce wrap that Ginger and I used to have quite a fondness for, but the food was nice enough if not outstanding, and the orange juice was excellent (it wasn't diluted and really hit the spot). And it was nice just to be back at ULU again.

We went back to R's halls, theoretically to get changed for CRUSH, but actually we ended up spending ages jotting stuff down on paper and then doing extra research on Facebook, due to the compulsion we'd suddenly acquired over supper to draw up a chart showing the relationships/ would-be relationships among a very large number of our acquaintance- a grand work which sadly had to be abandoned for the day due to lack of data- we'd got to the point of making most of it up by reading far too much into stuff on Facebook- and the marching on of time: it was already almost 9.30 and my free tickets were only valid till 10. So in the end we barely changed at all, but both went for jeans and RAG Week T-shirts- it was RAG CRUSH after all, and no make-up (certainly in my case and I think in R's). We did get there for 10 in the end, and after a bit of wandering from room to room settled down at a table in the Three Tuns with DS and some other mostly hacky people. We played a game I'd never played before (I don't think) which involved going round in a circle counting and making one gesture for most numbers but different special gestures when it got to certain numbers, with the possibility at each turn of changing the direction of play******. I thought this was brilliant, since it was social interaction ideally suited to the setting: conversation over a background noise level high enough that you have to shout and get everything repeated three times is apt to be somewhat wearing. Later we went and danced; R turns out to have a fine line in comic dancing. They had rather too much of a tendency to play R'n'B and hip-hop, but there was cheese too and it was good fun, especially when they played that song I've forgotten the name of, the one with 'climb every mountain higher' and 'Never, never forget that I've got you and you've got me' and 'Reach for the stars', and Wake me Up Before you Go-go (if that's how you spell it, which I'm not at all confident of). I think this could be the most fun I've had dancing- besides having over the past year or so finally mastered dancing to the point of being able to convince myself I'm amazingly talented (it really doesn't matter if other people don't share that opinion), on this occasion the logic finally came together, prompted by the lack of care in dress and make-up, and I realised that if, as is the case, I not only don't actively want random guys to start trying to dance with me but in fact actually want them not to do this (given that I'm not looking to sleep with anyone on so short an acquaintance), it in fact really doesn't matter what I look like, and I finally understood that in this situation I would do better to take as little care over my appearance as possible, and just enjoy myself. Not that it stopped a few people... fortunately R was there to bail me out by suggesting we get another drink. I suppose what I've been thinking in the past is that although I wasn't looking for anything that night it might be possible to exchange numbers and meet up with people in a more taking-it-slowly way- but I'm not quite sure how that managed to seem like a possibility given that the volume in these situations is always of a kind not to permit actual convesations, and I wouldn't swap numbers without one- and that I tend to reject out of hand anyone who strikes a conversation up out of nothing. The only reason it might make sense to dress up, coming from this position, is in case one met anyone there that one already knew and wanted to impress- but even then it wouldn't be so crucial surely since they'd have seen you on an everyday basis anyway.

There were some not so good moments, but on the whole I'd definitely go to CRUSH again. Which is just as well as I have two more free tickets. But next time I'll remember not to wear woolly tights under my trousers... I had to take them off early in the proceedings, but after I'd put my bags in the cloakroom, so I folded them and left them on a window ledge in the loos- it was a risk but worth it as I wouldn't be completely devastated if they weren't there when I got back. However as I anticipated they didn't go anywhere so that was ok.

This morning I went with D and a friend of hers, B, to Portobello Market. I'd vaguely agreed to go with her on what I believed was some unspecified future occasion, but then yesterday she was passing by when I was on the stall and started making arrangements for meeting this morning and there didn't seem to be a chance to say that actually I had a lot on this weekend, not least working on my presentation, and could I go another time? so I accepted it as my destiny. Usually I don't look forward to plans made in this spirit and am just anxious to get whatever it is over with, but this time I really was anticipating it with pleasure, even though getting up early after CRUSH didn't seem like the most pleasant idea ever (though actually, even though when I'm asleep I don't want to get up (I've reverted to needing my sleep again), at the moment I'm actually suffering a lot more while asleep than awake: I can breathe fine when I'm up but in bed my nostrils seem to get all blocked and I have to sleep with my mouth open, which means it gets all dry and my throat starts to tickle causing my cough and sore throat to flare up.. Get this cold over with already!).

It was really nice strolling down Portobello Road- very relaxing, very chilled weekend taking it slow (even though real taking it slow would have been lying in bed till the early afternoon)- and very summer. Had I been pitched into the scene by some kind of time travel and had no idea of the date I would never have guessed February- I would probably have gone with May or June. There was blossom out on the way down and the air was barely chilly let alone cold. The same goes for yesterday- it definitely felt like after-the-exams-weather. So today I was in a real summer wardrobe mode, and in fact it was mostly clothes stalls that we looked at. I hadn't planned to get anything- indeed, I'd pretty much specifically planned not to get anything, but I came away with a dress in a nice soft flower print fabric and an unusual design that had apparently been used in the interests of not needing any sort of measuring on the part of the maker- front and back were basically rectangles with a ribbon drawstring that the wearer tied to create the waste and two more on the shoulders which when pulled formed the sleeves. It was a lot nicer than it sounds, the only drawback being the back, which reaches all all the way up to the neck (a little frumpy though good protection from skin cancer from exposure to sunlight) and is quite saggy/baggy. I could possibly alter it though. It was £25, which is perhaps a little expensive for a second-hand home-made dress, but I gave in. I also got some material- a total of 7 1/2 metres over four different fabrics for £7.50 which is a jaw-dropping bargain compared to John Lewis, and even if some of John Lewis' stuff is nicer than anything on the stall, what I got is pretty much the same kind of stuff I would have got if I was shopping there. B also got some fabric, to make a throw for her sofa (or it may have been her mattress) and D got a dress, a kind of 80s style sailor dress. Looking through all the clothes this morning, I understood as I never had before what a wide ranging concept clothing is even considering this country alone- something you don't see if like me you generally just go to the high street shops.

Another thing that was nice about the trip was that we spent a couple of hours looking and buying things, but didn't hang around to the point of saturation so that looking at things was exhausting and one just wants to go home. D and B went back to D's house, which she had to move out of today (she's been squatting with a group of other people but now they've been ordered to leave), and they invited me to come along- I would have liked to have a look, especially as this would be the only chance, but I felt I really had to get back and do some work. However I didn't actually do any in the end- I spent a while on the Underground platform eating some lunch I'd bought from one of the stalls after we separated (two kinds of focaccia) then got the train, planning to get out at Holborn and retrieve the book and some of the other stuff I needed to work on my presentation, which I'd left in my locker in the Old Building last night so as not to have to lug them around. But when I got out of the train at Holborn somehow I really couldn't be bothered with all the hassle of getting out of the station, walking to LSE, going up to my locker, getting the stuff and then getting a bus back, and reflected that anyway it'd be cheaper just to go all the way to Liverpool St- and that I could still do a bit of work, but in any case as I felt really tired I'd probably have a nap for a while anyway.

I actually slept for more than an hour, untill L came round to cook with me and Flatmates 3 and 7 (to celebrate Chinese New Year). L and I had originally been planning to watch Sex and the City together this evening over some wine, so when Flatmates 3 and 7 suggested cooking supper together we decided to invite her round as well, and watch the DVD after the meal. We started cooking before 5, but didn't eat till 8- L and I were just making gyoza and spring rolls, while the others were making a kind of soup/ stew plus Flatmate 7's amazing spring onion bread, but it took ages. It was worth it though.

We spent ages sitting around talking after supper (Flatmate 1 too, who had cooked separately but ate with us as we were finishing off), putting off the washing up, but in the end L and I went back to my room and watched Sex and the City (Flatmate 7 passed and Flatmate 3 apparently has all the episodes so didn't really want to watch any again). Now I'm feeling very tempted to buy a season, any season... Must be strong.

*apparently her mum didn't like it so had given it to her

**Too much information? I'm sorry, I can't think of a less direct way to put it under the influence of all of a third of a bottle of wine

***for the same reason I hadn't needed as much sleep, plus I didn't get a chance for lunch on the days I was manning the stall

****After packing up the stall, in the process of which somehow Z ended up carrying all the heavy boxes and I didn't seem to be able to get an offer to do that myself in, which I felt quite bad about

*****Where I spotted the case to the SU banner, which we'd had up behind the stall but when I brought the banner back I couldn't find the case anywhere, in spite of the Communications Officer's belief that it must have been there originally. I'm not quite sure how it came to be in the Quad- maybe it was something to do with PuLSE fm, who were doing their RAG Week marathon broadcasting session (constant broadcasting all RAG Week with none of them allowed to leave campus) from there- but anyway I took it to the Communications Officer's office, where he and the Treasurer were just about to see whether it was in the Quad...

******Brain not working well enough to explain this in a clearly comprehensible manner

RAG Week continues

I actually skived off my 9 o'clock lecture this morning, though I did have a bit of an excuse in that I was still feeling ill. I should probably have gone though. Instead I slept till 9.30 and then read another of the papers that were going to be presented today in bed. I'd originally wanted to help with the T-shirts again in the morning but would have had to not read one or both of the remaining papers if I had. I started the second paper in the bus on the way in and finished it over lunch in the Quad. Luckily I got through it in time to be only five minutes late to a protest I'd wanted to join, against the destruction of Al-Aqsa Mosque.

The protest lasted half an hour, until the UGM, which this week was just entertainment for me- although there were a couple of motions I thought were good it was unlikely they would fall and anyway they were about wider issues in the world and thus although I supported them would probably not have that much impact (they mostly involved getting SU officials to write letters expressing disapproval of for example ASDA's use of sweatshops) by themselves (though possibly if every SU in the country passed a similar motion...) and therefore it didn't seem to matter too much if they didn't pass.

The feature of the UGM this week was the Director coming to speak to us. It seems that he has agreed to a wage for the cleaners that's higher enough for the Living Wage campaign to consider it good progress- they presented him with a silver broom (someone left R's lovely Golden Mop at home) rather than the bag of rubbish which they would have given him if they had thought he wasn't doing enough. He then made his speech, which wasn't that interesting, though I took issue with the part where he was implying the SU were unrealistic idealists for asking for a living wage for cleaners, higher pay for academics and more money for the SU while simultaneously opposing tuition (and top-up) fees which he said were necessary to pay for all that. I was sure someone had said once that LSE had a massive surplus last year, but didn't have the figures or the first hand evidence to challenge him about it when they took questions.

As we went into the UGM there were RAG donation buckets on the doors and collecting continued inside: the Director had agreed to match the collection with £100 donation of his own if we raised £100, and also to sing a song. We managed to get that much, and the song was quite entertaining though a little questionable in taste as it consisted of humourously insulting Scots, Irish and Welsh; it wasn't one I'd heard before and I wonder if maybe he'd written the words: if not he must have altered them because there was a reference to the Irishman as owning an oil corporation and that being why we 'gave him the bird', which of course was about Sutherland.

After the UGM we had Surveys and Experiment Design, which was good as always (and I managed to make a comment about a possible explaination for the findings of one of the papers, the reasons behind which the authors hadn't discussed, which the lecturer thought was an interesting idea that hadn't occurred to him). I then went to watch RAG Reels: eight short films made by LSE students in a competition organised for RAG Week by LooSE TV, on the theme 'A Helping Hand': as well as on the internet and in the Quad, and in a special screening at the finale at 6 this evening, these have been playing on a TV on Houghton St, and there are buckets on a table in front, one for each film, so you can vote for the one you like best by donating. I'd been meaning to see them since Tuesday, and finally made time. Some of the films were pretty bizarre, and a couple were hampered by the dialogue being pretty much inaudible when played on busy Houghton St, but most of them made inventive use of LSE as a location, and some were very good quality. Sadly the one with perhaps the most worthwhile concept, talking to a homeless man, turned out not to have anything very interesting to say and I ended up voting for two which while certainly bizarre were entertaining and well shot.

Later today: I'm just about to go off to a People and Planet meeting, and then I'm going to meet Ginger who's coming to stay the night- we have an evening of wine and DVDs planned!

A resolution of sorts

Today was not a great day. For one thing it was far too full of non-enjoyable lectures, including four hours of one lecturer over two different courses (a lecture + 2 hours computer class for one course and one hour lecture for the other), this being a lecturer who, though he's perfectly friendly and willing to help, I've somehow taken something of a dislike to. This is in large part due to the computer class of two weeks ago, where he was almost angry with the class for not having a particular textbook even though he'd never said this was a compulsory book, only that it was highly recommended. He expected us to have it because it had the exercises in and he wasn't going to put them in the public folders like any other lecturer. Bad enough, except that you might say perhaps he couldn't put the exercises in the folders due to copyright issues as the work wasn't his own. But in actual fact, it was his own. He'd made his own book compulsory. Now, I'm sure this wasn't why he'd done it, but it stuck in the throat to a great degree to be asked to fork out £40 in order to get the exercises for the course, of which some (if not much) would go in royalties to the very person who was already being paid to teach us a course for which we were being charged £8,000. It seems to me that you shouldn't have to pay over and above that £8,000 for essential parts of the course and if you do then there certainly shouldn't be any portion of it going to the same person who's teaching the course. But anyway. This was the first computer course since that one (in alternate weeks it's three hours of lectures instead), and I was pleased to note that he had at least taken on board what was said at the Staff Student Liaison Committee and put the exercises in the public folders this time, though he didn't make any guarantee that he would continue to do so. I hadn't bought the book on purpose; I was probably going to eventually before he made it compulsory but then I refused on principle. So this saved me having to photocopy large chunks of it in the library (I came in early and checked the public folders so I was prepared). But the computer class still wasn't great because he always buries the examples of the commands we need in the main lecture notes, without any very clear explaination of what they do, and so I'd often search fruitlessly before finally having to stick up my hand (the help function on STATA is a bit useless) and having him mention between telling me what to do that it was in the notes somewhere (though not in an unpleasant way).

And the day finished off with what should have been two hours' Regression computer class, though mercifully it was only an hour and a half since the lecturer decided there was stuff he couldn't do as we missed having a lecture yesterday because of the blackout. Regression is another rather hopeless computer class; I'm fine with R, which we usually use, but somehow can never work out what we're supposed to do without looking at the answers (which show what we need to type) or more usually copying as the lecturer gets the graduate teaching assistant to do it on the projector. In a way I wish he'd give us a chance to try it for ourselves rather than just telling us what to do- but in the moments when that threatens to happen (it never does, but he often says he'll let us try it for ourselves and waits all of a minute before he starts doing it on the board, which believe me is not enough) I get quite scared because I don't have the faintest idea where to begin and am secretly and ashamedly glad when it goes up on the board (though it's hard to keep up with the typing, having to look at the main screen as well as your own).

It was especially good that Regression finished early today because I was planning to go to the dance show that the Dance Society was doing for RAG Week. The doors opened at 6.45 supposedly, so I was able to get down there in plenty of time. It was quite a short show- just half an hour per act, if that's the right word, with a 15 minute interval between. There was some pretty good stuff in there, including some amazing break dancing, and a send up of flashdance done by a man, but one or two of the acts were so-so and the music quality was very bad for one of the numbers. It was definitely worth seeing though. They had a gimmick whereby when the audience applauded after each dance a girl pointed to one of three sections of a 'dial' to show how the audience had rated it, judging by the applause, but although the applause did vary a reasonable amount the girl always pointed to the best end of the dial, so I'm not sure there was a lot of point to it.

That leaves the middle of the day, 12-3. I'd been planning to finally take AH and D up on the offer to come to the Government Common Room and do some work- I even had the journal articles I needed to read all printed out from when I was in the library checking whether I needed to photocopy that book for the computer class- but then I remembered that AH would be doing the RAG stall, which I'd offered to help with some time during the week when we were talking after the protest (or it may have been before, when we were preparing for it), and about which I'd emailed him to give the times I was free, as asked, only I hadn't heard back. So I went along to see if they still needed help, and ended up staying for most of the three hours, though sadly AH wasn't around that much- he was busy some of the time with stuff for the stall that took him away from the stall, and the rest of the time I think he was doing some work or something. Still, it was fun anyway. Trade was quite slow to begin with but picked up in the second half of my time there- though most of the people who bought shirts I saw later wearing them in the dance show- I think most of what we sold was used for costumes (in many cases inventively cut into new shapes).

It was nice to see AH again, and he was even better than I remembered, but it wasn't unambiguously happy; in fact most of the time I wasn't happy at all. We didn't seem to be getting on like we were last week; I couldn't decide if it was due to me or to him or to both, and whichever, whether it was due to what had happened in between or not, and if the former exactly which part of what had happened and in what way it was affecting things. But whether or not he was there, and not only on the stall but in the lectures, I was still really annoyed with myself for the mistake I made about the hide button, and kept on turning it over and over and concluding afresh every time that it was irremediable. Not that I thought it was necessarily anything more than friendship that I'd scuppered- it probably wasn't. But since things seemed to be cooler, I couldn't help feeling that it was probably either the poke or the mistake or both. And even though had I done nothing I would have blamed myself for not taking a risk and asked how I could ever expect anything to happen if I wouldn't, with the knowledge of what had happened when I had I really wished I had just left things as they were at the end of the protest, and not poked- that way I would still have the friendship and that was really important. And I was pretty sure now that friendship was all that had been intended.
In the end, after the lecturer left Regression and before I went to the dance show I decided to send him a message explaining how hiding the poke had been accidental. It was quite an awkward message to write, especially since neither of us had referred to any of the events when we met in person, but it could have come out worse. I managed to write something that was fairly light-hearted in tone, if that's the right word, and didn't actually make explicit whether the poking had been serious or as a joke between friends. And I did feel better for it. He hasn't written back yet, and to tell the truth I'm rather dreading the idea of a reply- I'm glad to have made sure that the situation as regards the hiding is clear but seeing as how he'll probably be writing in a purely platonic spirit, and how I imagine what I sent would be quite a hard message to think of anything to respond to, I can imagine that on reading a reply I'll just be cringing with the memory of everything up to and including my message. I'd rather know that it's sorted but forget about it, and go back to admiring him in secret for a bit before forcing myself to get over him.

I phoned Ginger this evening, something I don't do much- we usually communicate by text, and meet up most weeks- because I couldn't wait till Thursday to tell her all about the AH situation- it was just going round in circles in my head and I'd have to duck into a cringe every time it came by. I felt a lot better for speaking to her- at least she thought I wasn't being a complete fantasist to imagine there might possibly be something behind the various things I mentioned before that happened last Thursday (indeed she said that she thought he had probably been giving out Signals, as opposed to signals, though it could just have been the way I described it), so I didn't feel like it had been so mad of me to try and see if there was anything there, and the way she put it there were not many possible permutations of how he felt, how/ why he acted, what he had seen of my actions that left me looking like a lunatic so that cheered me up. She made it sound as though the friendship was not definitely forfeited, and all I had to do was act normally (not so easy but I will try) and over time it would all be forgotten. I really felt much better after that, and since my future plans do not involve any further risky/possibly cringeworthy actions in this situation, there's really nothing to fear now, and nothing to stand in the way of forgetting all about it, except his reply to that message (unless he doesn't reply of course). And of course the regret I shall feel for some time that it was not to be...

No water, no internet, no LSE...

Today was quite a strange day. Once again, I was up early* (for me) and all set to be on time, nay early, for a 9 o'clock for the first time in weeks, but what should I find confronting me on arrival at 8.45 but a closed locked door? I thought for a moment that maybe I was just too early, but remembered that I'd been able to get in fine when I put all the flyers out last Thursday. A few other people turned up and began to congregate, and eventually a woman came and stuck a notice on the door. It turned out that LSE was closed for the day due to a power failure: a water main had burst in an electricity substation leaving quite a large chunk of the surrounding area without power and forced to close its doors for the day.

I should probably have been very happy. Certainly almost everyone else seems to have been. But I couldn't really see it as an advantage: true, it meant no Regression, which cannot be a bad thing, but it also meant no Government Common Room and I'd been looking forward to that all weekend. And although I was theoretically gratefull for the extra time for work, since I hadn't done as much as I should over the weekend, in practice I couldn't take advantage of it, since the work I really needed to do was reading journal articles as yet un-downloaded- and of course with LSE's computers down they would have to stay that way. I knew I should have got the articles on Friday. Curse you, Facebook, for being too addictive!

I wandered round to Houghton St thinking I would at least take advantage of being on the spot to get some good photos. And I did get some, not amazingly good ones, but adequate. Which will be nice for my own use, but any ideas I had of being uniquely placed on the spot by my nine o'clock evaporated when I saw that the Beaver photography editor was there- no point in sending my shots to the Beaver on this one.


I'm not quite sure why I didn't go home straight away; maybe it was the recollection that I still didn't have a working toilet or basin. Anyway, I decided to go and get some nice paper for a certain purpose I had in mind (now alas probably futile), at the London Graphics Centre. I first came across this shop on my afternoon clothes shopping with I, and revisited it to get the stuff to make my Christmas cards. On that occasion I walked unerringly straight to it from LSE. This time it took me about four trips back and forth between Covent Garden and Shaftesbury Avenue before I finally found it, further north than I'd remembered. I then went and had a cup of tea and a panini in Cafe Nero- I was feeling quite hungry (waking up early didn't mean actually waking up in time for breakfast), even though it was only around 10 am.

I had planned to go to John Lewis to get my mum some gold thread for the tapestry cushion she's making, but in the end I just didn't feel like it. I went back to halls and back to bed and spent most of the day sleeping, till about 4.30. I have a sore throat and a cough at the moment and am not feeling too great. The sore throat was improved after the rest, but improved in the sense of 'better than it was' rather than in the sense of 'cured'. I was woken up halfway through by the receptionist who was making the rounds of the affected rooms to give an update on the water situation. It seems that it's going to be a couple of days before it's fixed. I am doing without a shower tonight on the grounds that my hair can just about last out two days, but will have to ask one of my flatmates if I can borrow theirs (or use the shower room in Block C but that's likely to be very busy with all the rooms affected) if it's not all fixed tomorrow evening, which it probably won't be. Actually, I'm going to the dance show at LSE tomorrow. Damn. Maybe I'll ask L, who I'm going with, if I can pop in afterwards and use her shower!


Anyway, that was about it for the events of the day. AH bulletin: he hasn't poked back, so I'm assuming it was just out of politeness before. I'm disappointed, of course, but I can't say I'm surprised; I would rather have been surprised if it had turned out that my feelings were reciprocated. I hope that we can still be friends. I shall do my best to act as if nothing ever happened in the hope that he will then forget that it did. I will permit myself one last futile gesture however...


Actually, what with this disappointment and the feeling ill and the sense that I missed out a lot today- lying comatose in bed is not the best way to savour an unexpected day of holiday and if I hadn't been ill and hadn't been convinced that nothing at LSE was going to be open, I get the impression from various references on Facebook that I could have enjoyed it a lot more communally- it looked like some people did get into the Government Common Room (though goodness only knows how as it has electronic locks), though even had I gone there I guess I really would have been gatecrashing: AH and D's invitation may not have extended to extraordinary circumstances but more importantly they may not have been there. But even aside from that I think some people had the idea of seeing what friends were up to and going to the cinema or whatever- I could have done that (although it would have been harder without the internet, which was off most of the day in halls, presumably since it's provided by LSE). Still, I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it much being ill, and I certainly wouldn't have been good company. I can't shake the idea that it was an event that should have been enjoyed together with many people in a spirit of LSE community, but rationally I know I made the right choice. Maybe it'll happen again when I'm better... sigh, I know the chances of that are miniscule.


Damn, damn, damn. Turns out that hiding a poke doesn't just mean temporarily moving it out of sight so you don't think it's a new one every time you see it or whatever my reasoning was that made it seem like a good idea at the time, it actually deletes it in a way which apparently sends out rejection signals to the other person somehow. Could explain why he didn't poke again... (though of course it could still just be that he wouldn't have done anyway). Damn. Can't seem to find a way of undoing it. Will have to find a way of letting him know that I was just insufficiently educated in poking...


*I know why it is that I've been waking up early, of course

Hundredth post

When I got back to halls this evening I found a notice saying that I couldn't use the water in my room (that is, shower, toilet and sink) until further notice. Which was pretty annoying, especially as I couldn't really do without washing my hair. Apparently there's a blockage in pipes on the lower ground floor.

I'd been back home to see Birmingham Royal Ballet in Cyrano with my mum. It was really good, though there was perhaps a bit too much acting and not enough dancing. The acting was good too though. Before seeing it I couldn't quite imagine how they could possibly make a ballet from the story of Cyrano de Bergerac, which seemed to rely too much on words, but they used a lot of British Sign Language, which made Mum happy as she's been studying it up to Level 2 for her job. I thought Kosuke Yamamoto, playing Le Bret, was very good- he's currently a First Soloist but I thought he could have been a Principal- but then I'm not that good at judging quality: to me the Artists and the Principals look equally good. But he did have stage presence- even when he was standing at the back with other people dancing in front you found yourself wanting to look at him.
I got up quite early on Friday- early for a Friday, that is. I didn't do anything during the day other than sign up to Facebook- I'd been planning to go along to the Government Common Room as invited but Facebook turned out to be pretty addictive (as I had imagined- one reason why I held out so long), and I spent so long uploading photos and inviting people to be friends that I had to give up the idea of going in to LSE.

In the evening I went to a Chinese Dinner organised by a Chinese student on my course (X) to celebrate Chinese New Year. I wasn't actually looking forward to it that much to tell the truth- the whole area of food was quite shaky ground with the potential for awkwardness, since we'd been asked to order several days in advance. For one thing, I hadn't been sure if we were supposed to order rice too- it wasn't mentioned and I didn't know if X was going to order some for all of us. I was also not quite sure whether she really meant us to choose two drinks. And then when she emailed to confirm our choices, she added that she'd ordered six starter plates between us, the only item of which that I could eat being seaweed. I didn't mind not being able to eat the rest, but I worried that if she realised when she saw me only eating that then she would feel bad for not having ordered vegetarian stuff and I didn't want that. Finally, in the same email she said that we would all have to introduce our 'favourite dish', and I had no idea what to say about what I'd ordered, which in any case wasn't my favourite dish; I'd picked it because I fancied trying something new. Then I was also a bit worried about the conversation- it seemed like there was great potential for it to be quite awkward, since there were quite a lot of people going that I didn't know, and others whose names I still hadn't quite got sorted, and it could be difficult talking to the lecturers (a few of whom were also going).

It was actually quite good in the end. The food was excellent, and although indeed those who hadn't ordered rice didn't get any, and I no longer wanted the white wine I'd ordered a few days earlier (I didn't really feel like it after the night before, and anyway I just felt thirsty), it all worked out ok: I felt perfectly full without rice or large amounts of starters, and I managed to avoid the wine- they didn't come to pour it out, and when they were asking if anyone else was missing a drink, my neighbour to the right looked at me as if to say 'Go on, aren't you going to ask for your wine?' so I explained that I didn't actually fancy it any more, and I'd only have it if they actually gave it to me, and he insisted on giving me his orange juice since, he explained, he'd only wanted one (that two drinks thing again)- something he'd mentioned when they first arrived. And there was even another main course that was vegetarian, besides mine.

The conversation was still a bit problematic: I got on fine with my neighbour to the left after a little initial awkwardness but he spent quite a while talking to the people to his left in Mandarin or Cantonese, and my neighbour to the right was the teaching assistant for ST418. I couldn't think of much to say to him at all, and at one point he asked 'Are you catching up with the course work?' which I thought might be a reference to my having skipped the computer class (which he takes) last Monday- I wasn't sure but I thought it was best to own up in case that was what he meant. So I explained that I'd tried the exercises by myself, and the computer stuff was fine but I was unsure about the interpretation. But it turned out that that wasn't what he'd meant and he had indeed been unaware that I wasn't there: he must have meant 'Are you keeping up with the course work?'- whether he said that and I didn't hear properly or whether it was just his English, I don't know. And then he fell asleep during most of the latter half of the dinner. Which I didn't think was rude or anything, but it did leave me a bit short of people to talk to- though I talked to the lecturer for the course, sitting a couple of places further round, for a bit, and he was encouraging me not to get put off by pound signs (I'd told him I wasn't interested in finance).

After the dinner some of us went to a pub. It was quite a nice pub, but annoyingly some men asked me how I was when I was getting a drink at the bar and said I was looking sparkly that evening (I was wearing a skirt covered in sequins), and didn't seem to understand that an utter failure to respond on my part was a subtle hint that I wasn't interested. Still, I was talking to some of X's friends from elsewhere and had a pretty interesting conversation.

I did poke AH in the end. And every time over the weekend that I imagined him receiving it in a state of purely platonic friendship towards me and thinking it was a wierd thing for me to have done I wondered what I'd done, but told myself that it was probably a perfectly normal thing that happens all the time, that that was probably part of how most relationships got started, and that it was about time I took some risks- living in safety wasn't going to get me anywhere. He poked back on Sunday evening, which left me as I had anticipated not all that clear as to his position: it's quite possible that the accepted thing with poking is to poke back out of politeness even if you wouldn't have poked yourself in the first place, and even if that's not the case and you only poke back if you mean it, it's quite possible that he thought I was doing it as a joke, like he told me he and D did. At least it wasn't an absence of poking though- that would almost certainly have meant he definitely wasn't interested.

I was left with another problem: the poke came with an option to poke back, even though it was itself a poke back. My original plan had been to leave it if he poked back and give him the chance to poke again later if he really meant it, but now I thought that if I didn't poke back it might look like the first time had been a mistake or that I wasn't that interested, and that if I didn't poke back he'd think that to poke twice himself seemed a bit importunate when I was probably not poking because I didn't want to poke. So I poked, but I probably should have left a bit more of a decent interval- now I probably look too keen. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see how things go. I might see him tomorrow- I'm planning on dropping in to the Government Common Room. Actually, that was a bit interesting- I got a message from D on Facebook asking me to come tomorrow, and something about the phrasing- and the way she was talking about it in the pub- almost seemed as if he might have asked her to try and make sure I came because it would look strange doing it himself. That's probably reading far far too much into it though- I expect she just wants to be friends and it has nothing to do with him.

I've just successfully attempted my solution to the interesting problem of how to wash my hair without access to my shower or basin. I got my washing up bowl, filled it with warm water in the kitchen (it's only my room and the one opposite that are affected), filled my kettle too, warmed up the water in the kettle, put both on the floor of my bathroom, dunked my head in the bowl, applied shampoo, dunked again and then rinsed the rest off with water from the kettle, holding my head over the bowl. It worked surprisingly well. It does you good to have a challenge.

Bitter defeat

Yesterday was so long it felt like at least three days. I stepped outside at 6.30 to find a couple of centimetres of snow that I certainly hadn't been expecting. I'd got up really early in order to carry out my Master Plan, which consisted of covering LSE with as many flyers and posters as possible so that no-one who went into uni that day could fail to be aware of the motions coming up at the UGM. I put posters on notice boards in the Old Building and St Clements, and on Houghton St, and flyers went into all the computer rooms (that weren't having maintenance done) in St Clements, C120, and even a few classrooms. Sadly quite a few of the flyers hadn't come out great- many had been cut too close to the top, and a lot were faint in places or even all over. I then nipped into the Government Common room before my 9 o'clock lecture, to find that D had also been up very early- she'd found some green paint at home and had painted the outline of all the letters on the banner.

I'm afraid to say I dozed off towards the end of my lecture, though I did stay awake throughout the computer class. I actually finished the work 20 minutes or so before the end- it really isn't difficult for that course though of course it won't be computer work in the exam so that might be quite a bit harder.


I thought there was a meeting of the anti-Sutherland people at 12 so that the speakers could tell us what they were going to say, and went and waited in the room that had been booked, with a hastily bought sandwich, for 10 or 15 minutes before deciding no-one was coming. So I went to the War room (as the Government common room became known), where I found quite a few people, and discovered that the meeting was actually just for the speakers. I sewed the top of the banner round a piece of long thick string/ rope/ braid that D had brought in, with R working on the other end, and thought I should probably take advantage of there being no meeting to hand out some more flyers, but didn't want to leave.


Then we had the UGM. Only one of the friends (X) I'd asked actually came, though three in all said they definitely would. We waited outside because one of the friends had a class that finished at 1 so said she might be a bit late, but went in at 10 past. It was kind of odd and awkward having X with me- I felt a bit like I was using her by asking her to come along and vote, especially since we've only recently become friends, and I hoped that she enjoyed the UGM. She said she did, but I don't know if she was just being polite.

Our two were the only motions to be debated. There were quite a lot of people there, but it was not as packed as I'd hoped. And unfortunately it turned out that those in opposition had done a better job of mobilising than we had. I take my hat off to them- I wouldn't have thought it was possible to get large numbers of people to bother to turn up in order to vote against a referendum.

Both motions fell. I'd thought that the first one would go through fairly easily, since it just related to future appointments- after all, who would have a problem with being consulted on appointments? But it fell by more than 20 votes. The argument against that got me most was that only the students who cared about the issue would turn out to vote (essentially, though they didn't quite phrase it like that), and that this would 'screw things up for the majority of students' who would probably hold other views as to the appointment (according to the speaker). I really fail to see how that is a good argument against a referendum: surely the point is that everyone is given the opportunity to vote, and if anybody 'screws things up for the majority of students' it would be they themselves by not voting rather than those who did vote- but anyway I disagree that it would screw things up at all: if someone doesn't care enough to come and vote that implies that they don't feel that strongly about the appointment and thus wouldn't be too upset if the outcome was different to what they would ideally like- and even if that describes the majority of students, going with the referendum result would cause less discontent than going with what the majority want, since those who voted do care and would probably be considerably more unhappy than those who didn't if the appointment goes against their wishes.

By the time the first motion fell, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that the second would too. It was intended that it would have the support of the first motion (having established that the UGM believed in referenda in principle), and it was clear that we had not managed to mobilise enough to create a majority on our side. The only chance now was really if the motion was postponed until next week- admittedly there was no reason to suppose we could be any more successful at mobilising in a week's time than we had been today but at least it would give us another try. There were only about 10 minutes left of the meeting by this point, so it was put to the vote whether to wait till next week to debate it- but that fell massively (actually quite a few of the anti-Sutherland people voted not to postpone; presumably because they thought we were likely to mobilise even fewer on a second occasion). The Residences Officer gamely made her speech for, even though she must have known that she couldn't say anything that would stop the motion falling. The Societies Officer spoke against; I think it says something about the unpopularity of the anti-Sutherland people that this didn't stop people voting against the motion. Both speeches were rushed and delivered to a great deal of noise- the Residences Officer was shouting all the way through- and to an atmosphere that was no longer listening. I don't think there were any questions, or if there were they were few and not terribly earnest. The motion to vote also passed by a large majority, and the motion itself quickly proceeded to fall.


I had a lecture at 2 which meant I missed out rather- I imagine most of the anti-Sutherlanders spent a while talking over why the motions fell and what happens from here, and I still feel somewhat incomplete- undebriefed- for not having had that. My personal view is that there were two reasons: first that even though these motions should still have been submitted given the fall of the earlier motion on Sutherland, that earlier motion was a tactical mistake. Both the inclusion of opposition to the appointment (even though it did mean since the process by which it had come about was faulty), and the fact that we didn't have the motion on future appointments at that time caused problems: had we submitted both motions as they were this time round in the first place, they would have had a better chance of passing, but the failure of the first disposed large sections of the audience to vote against us, not least because in their eyes it probably looked like an attempt to sneak in something they'd already voted down. I still think we were right to submit the motions- but their chances were impaired. Secondly, we clearly failed to mobilise enough people to counteract that effect. Maybe that was because we didn't stress enough that it was going to be really close and we needed every vote we could get- after all, who would think that a motion calling for referenda on appointments was in any danger of failing? Perhaps a lot of people who were sympathetic but not regular UGM go-ers didn't feel the imperative to go out of their way to come this time, thinking it would pass quite happily without them. Or maybe we really did get all the supporters that there were (bar those three of my friends who didn't come after saying they would and two more who would have come but for classes scheduled at the same time)- which is not to say that the majority of students favour Sutherland: the majority are probably unaware he even exists; we could possibly have done a better job educating people though I'm not sure how.

Whatever, the UGM left me feeling pretty depressed. Depressed at the failure of our aims, but also depressed by what it said about the UGM that it would pass, for example, the Newsround motion last week but not a motion which would allow students to have a say in who's running the School (not so much the failure to pass the Sutherland motion which after all was not so unexpected). The vote against the Sutherland motion could be seen as a fear on the part of those who want him as Chair that a majority would vote against him, and an attempt to forestall this, or even a desire to avoid the need to campaign since the status quo suited them but a referendum would mean work to maintain it. Whilst it would be nice to think that people would prize democracy enough to put it above these concerns, this explaination is at least understandable. It can't apply to the first motion (except I suppose for the referendum on Howard Davies' probable re-appointment which would be an automatic consequence of it- but there is no reason to suppose that he wouldn't be approved by it), which mostly concerns the appointment of people whose identity is as yet undecided, and thus it is possible that they would be candidates those people wouldn't like (though admittedly the kind of person one can expect to be appointed as Chair or Director is unlikely not to appeal to them). Thus it is pretty much the case that a lot of those voting against (unless they were swayed by the screwing-things-up-for-the-majority argument and others) voted against because of who was behind the motion. Really I would have hoped that students were mature enough to put the idea over who was proposing it.

At least it was the motion to have a referendum and not the referendum that didn't go our way. If that had happened then whenever we spoke against Sutherland they could have dismissed it as the views of a minority. As it is, if the SU says that then we can come right back at them with 'How do you know? You wouldn't let us find out.'

Although I had read the papers that people were presenting as usual, I was too depressed to say anything in class this time (but it's always been the same people (myself included) talking so far, so it was about time someone else had a turn). I also felt suddenly very very tired- too tired to think of anything to say let alone say it. In any case, somehow I hadn't really thought of as many points while I was reading those papers (maybe my mind wasn't really on them)- in spite of their being the most flawed papers we've had so far. The presentations pretty much covered the flaws anyway. I actually fell asleep in this lecture too, despite my best efforts. This was more of a problem than in the first lecture (which was with the same lecturer)- there were a lot of students in that one and I was quite far back. In this lecture there were only ten or twenty, and the lecturer was sitting to the side to hear the presentations, with me being clearly visible through a diagonal gap. At least I managed to stay awake through the presentations.

After the class I was dying to get back and see if anyone wasn't yet surfeited with analysis of What Happened, and would be prepared to discuss it with me, but I had to copy leaflets for the evening's protest first, which was quite a lengthly process and was fraught with a selection of problems as always with copying things. I did bump into the newest member of C&S on the way in though, and discussed it with her, which went some way to providing closure on the subject (though I could still have done with more). Incidentally, she's growing on me- I think I judged her motives rather harshly before, and though I'm still not sure, I think maybe she was being genuinely friendly.

I stopped at the SU shop on my way back to get some Lindor (they have some in the pick and mix), because I thought everyone would need cheering up, and to recognise that even though we lost everyone worked really hard on it. They went down pretty well, though fortunately people seemed to be quite upbeat and enthusiastic about the evening anyway (maybe they'd got over the frustration of defeat after talking about it for a while). I helped a bit more with the banner (sewing the thick string in a few places so it was no longer free to move) and making placards, but not much- there were already two people doing placards and only two sellotapes so it wasn't very easy for me to help too. We had a bit of a discussion of the fine details of the plan before eventually setting out for the Old Building.

We got up to the fifth floor no problem, got our oil slicks (gloss paint on paper) down and stood in place with placards and the banner. I and a couple of other people volunteered to hand out the leaflets. We were in position for quite a while before anyone started arriving. The security guards were very nice but did move our oil slicks out of the path from the lifts to the dining room and didn't let us have our 'Caution: wet floor' signs which was a shame. They also put a couple of red cordons up, with some protesters packed into a corner behind one of them, to give a bit of protection to the path from one lift.


We were a bit concerned that they might be smuggling people in a different way*, but in the end the guests started turning up. I was quite pleased with my leaflet handing manner (which drew praise from a couple of people incidentally): big smile, 'Are you here for the Lawyer's Alumni Dinner? Here you are [for the last few, 'Here's a menu'], have a nice evening.' Only one or two people didn't take one from me, and one refused one from one of the other hander-outs (though I'm afraid in my enthusiasm I rather trampled all over their rights as handers-out and rushed to give them to guests no matter which direction they came from. Well, it was my leaflet** :-) ). Though the manner and the speech were designed to maximise uptake, and though I'm quite sure most if not all thought I was an official part of the dinner separate from the protest until they read the leaflet, I don't feel that it was inappropriately devious: after all, we weren't protesting against them and I genuinely did wish them a nice evening (hard as that must be when it involves listening to a speech from Sutherland), just as I wish anyone else one- and nothing I said was untrue, and if it gave a false impression it was due to their assumptions based on context rather than any falseness inherent in the words. As CMCC and others pointed out, whoever had the idea of doing a menu was a genius, though it wasn't till the protest that I was won over (I thought it was a bit extreme-literature, but I realised on the evening that the humour made it a lot more accessible).


But the bit I'm proudest of is the bit when Sutherland arrived. He came via the red cordons, and the security guards stood to prevent me coming forward to hand leaflets from the position I'd adopted with all the other guests, but I reached around behind one of the security guards and handed one to each of the people coming out. The first was one of my failures, but the second took one and the third was Sutherland who also took one- though whether by that instinct that makes people take a flyer when the person in front has, in an inadvertant action that he kicked himself for later, or whether in a carefully calculated PR move so as not to show himself unwilling to engage with students/ accept peacefull protest I'm not sure.

Some of the guests came up the stairs- someone suggested (based on the way the lift seemed to be behaving) that some were being got out at the fourth floor and sent up the stairs, though I'm not quite sure what purpose that would have achieved (if it's true it does mean more hassle for the School though which all goes to gradually wearing them down (well hopefully).


The mood throughout was really positive. Everyone was happy and making jokes in between arrivals of guests; what we lost in discipline we gained in positive energy. The security guards congratulated us several times on conducting a dignified and peaceful protest, which was nice in one sense but annoyingly made any stronger action later very difficult (though it was already pretty much ruled out anyway since the guests had taken the leaflets and Sutherland had done nothing to object to; it would have seemed odd to step things up after that).

In fact we had planned a sort of epilogue to the protest, which would have still been peaceful and dignified and would have worked in the context of the first part, but logistical factors that were not as we had hoped they would be prevented us carrying it out. We spent a long while discussing whether or not to proceed with it in the War Room, but given those logistical circumstances any modified version would have involved entering the room which however peaceful and dignified (and the bit where we would have had to push past security couldn't really have managed the dignified bit even if technically still peaceful) would have been an unwarranted escalation.

So we all went to the pub instead. I got chatting to the Beaver reporter and it turned out she went to the same school as me. We had a great time ranting about the headmistress (who fails to be as bad as Sutherland only because she (presumably) hasn't been committing human rights abuses or having people murdered by paramilitaries), and comparing notes on which teachers overlapped both our times- I'm afraid poor R was rather left out.


It was actually a reallly really good evening- I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much at a pub. The people were all really interesting, and AH and D even invited me to come and work in the Government Common room whenever I wanted- which was nice because I was feeling a bit sad that there wouldn't be much to do on Sutherland in the near future- I'd miss hanging out with everyone. It was also nice because I like AH (not just as a friend). I'm unclear as to what he thinks about me though: he has been very nice to me over the past few days, and has done some things which if I'd done them it would be because I was interested in the person, but he is basically a really friendly person and it is perfectly possible, maybe even possible, that becoming friends is all he was aiming at. Which already makes me very happy, but leaves me a little uncertain- I'm now worried about jeopardizing that friendship, by making things awkward if I was too overt about my interest and friendship was all that he was thinking of. On the other hand, such a cautious attitude is probably what has got me where I am today (in my seventh year of being single).

What are those things that I say would have meant interest if it had been me doing them? Well, he praised all the hard work I'd done on the Sutherland campaign, saying I'd done more than anyone else (not true: I would have said EMCC and CMCC, with AH and JK coming second)- not in itself a terribly significant thing, but he said it about ten times over the course of two days (not that I minded- I lap up praise however dodgy the grounds for it are so long as it's sincerely meant :-) and I especially like praise coming from people whose opinions really matter to me- as far as I'm concerned he can say it as often as he likes), which of course could just be his nice nature, but if I praised someone that often it would be because I liked them (actually I have to admit one of my weaknesses is that I tend not to vocalise praise even though I feel it- it is partly because I feel that in some contexts to praise someone would be to set myself above them (in a teacher or manager sort of role) by making myself the person authorised to dispense praise, or to offer recognition on behalf of a group). If it were due to his liking me that he said it so many times it would be rather sweet... And he called me a hero (in a slightly joking way) a couple of times during the protest, for nothing much- one time was when I stuck my hand through the lift doors as they were closing to give some non-lawyers who happened to be passing through in said lift a leaflet, since everyone wanted me to- admittedly this seemed to strike quite a lot of people as dangerous, but I don't think it was because lift doors automatically stop if there's something in the way and anyway they don't crunch that heavily.

He also encouraged me several times to join Facebook (which I was planning to do soon anyway as R invited me and I finally decided to succumb)- again quite probably indicative of nothing more than a desire to be friends being expressed by a friendly nature, but the enthusiasm could suggest something more... Again, if it had been me I would have meant something by it, but then I'm comparatively introverted. And in this context he was telling me about poking on Facebook, which didn't seem 100% like something that absolutely had to be naturally mentioned in the conversation at that point and could therefore have been motivated by an interest in me, and that his relationship status was 'in an open relationship with D', but that this was just a joke (rather like me and Ginger I imagine), which again didn't entirely need mentioning but maybe he just didn't want me to get confused about their friendship as we were becoming friends just because misunderstandings can be problematic.

The final thing was that after a few people had left I moved to sit next to him and when our legs touched he didn't move his, so that most of the time we were sitting with legs touching- but maybe it's just a relaxed attitude to personal space- I think maybe it's just me who would move my legs if they were touching someone I wasn't interested in. And maybe I was subconsciously moving my legs into his space and he didn't have anywhere to go, or thought it would be rude to move them.
It's not just the kind of interest, friend or more, that I'm not sure of: in spite of everything I'm still not sure about how single he is. When he said the open relationship on Facebook was a joke it seemed to imply that they were just friends, and that was mostly how they seemed, but it could also be interpreted as it being a joke because they're actually in a closed relationship, and if not, it doesn't mean that it isn't one of those friendships where one or both parties actually want it to be more but can't quite work out how to try to achieve that without risking the friendship. There were one or two points where I wondered if that was the case.

I'm now wondering whether to poke him on Facebook (which I did join today). I'm not sure how common the poke is, and whether it's something that really is accepted as a normal part of beginning to go out with someone or whether actually in spite of what it was intended to do it is the online equivalent of going up to someone and saying 'Will you go out with me?'- or whether it's used a lot to the point of being frequently employed as a joke (he did say that he and D often poke each other in that spirit). The issue is further complicated by his explaination last night that if someone pokes someone else 'they have to shag each other'- of course he was joking and I'm pretty sure from hearing about it in other contexts that a poke can just indicate interest, but if he thinks that I think that's what it does... And even leaving all of this aside, and assuming that a poke would simply convey to him that I was romantically interested, there is the not inconsiderable risk that the feeling is unreciprocated and it then turns out that things are too awkward to be friends- and I would be sad to miss out on that friendship.

On the other hand, as I say, being cautious has not thus far got me anywhere terribly interesting, and this is probably the easiest way of indicating interest to someone (assuming it means that) that I'll ever come across- and how many times have I wished there was a simple way of doing just that that didn't come with all the problems of the going-up-to-them-and-saying-'Will you go out with me?' approach?*** And face it, we're in February already, I haven't got that many more months at LSE. Though I'd like to think that we would remain friends after I graduate, even if I miss out on that via this course of action, whilst I would of course regret the loss of the friendship a lot at least I wouldn't have many months of seeing him around and it being all awkward. It's probably the prime time for embarrassing myself...

So I think I might do it. But of course my nerve may fail me...

Incidentally, I'd like to make it clear that my interest in him is not simply due to his current interest in me (as friend or otherwise etc) and his praising my work on the Sutherland thing. I've actually been interested in him for quite some time, but I've made sure it stayed on a very low level since at that point he seemed quite distant (not in manner but in terms of how well I knew him and what the potential was for getting to know him better) and also I thought he probably had a girlfriend. When the opportunity came to spend more time with him (along with the rest of them) and I discovered that he probably didn't, I allowed the interest to rise. And of course during that time I saw more to like.

*a Beaver reporter told me later that they'd originally been going to take Sutherland round another way but abandoned that idea as either she or a different Beaver reporter was standing there

**mostly- EMCC did make some alterations including authoring the best bits of the menu. Which I pointed out to people when they were praising me for it in the War Room before the protest.

***I hasten to add that I do not speak of these problems from experience

Ribbed knitwear saves the day

What I Have Been Doing Recently, in list format and abbreviated style as otherwise it'd take too long...

Monday
Slept with light on as didn't have my alarm clock (have been using my mobile phone all year but left it back home in Gloucestershire this weekend); was cunning plan to ensure I wouldn't oversleep (as I am quite prone to even with the aid of an alarm clock). Certainly worked: didn't fiind it hard to sleep but kept waking every now and then. Had decided that when sky became light wd be time to get up. Wasn't sure quite what that translated to in clock time at this time of year but thought should give me enough time to get in. Didn't have breakfast as wouldn't know what time it was and if I was leaving too late. Got to college at about 8.15.

Printed off poster/ flyer for encouraging people to come to UGM so could show it to all at Sutherland meeting later. Took quite a while as printers in S177 and S169 refused to print so had to go down to C120

Hung around for a while on H Street waiting for Z with whom I was supposed to be putting up Global Dinner posters. But had to go to my lecture before he arrived: think I misunderstood when I signed up: thought it was posters up by not from 9. So when I saw him later asked him to send me copy so could print out self and put up next morning when was supposed to be doing it with President of P&P (and had lecture at 9 again). Bumped into Ginger who was taking H St as short cut to Holborn where her law place is.

2 hours of Regression

2 hours of standing in the freezing cold on Houghton St trying to persuade people to buy tickets for People and Planet's Global Dinner. I spent half an hour or so trying to talk a guy who was waiting for the rest of the people who were supposed to be selling tickets for the Global Show to turn up into coming and he had just about agreed when he remembered that there was a rehearsal for the Global Show that evening

1 hour of Sutherland meeting- tomorrow is the Big Day for our UGM motions asking for referenda

1 hour of standing in the freezing cold on H St again, this time with R; the guy was still there but had now been joined by the other people and was manning the Global Show stall with them

Slightly more than 3 hours of (Important) shopping: fair trade pineapple for Global Dinner, alarm clock (knew same trick wouldn't work twice and anyway wanted proper night's sleep!), and several things that I didn't quite have time to get: black paint (for a banner) and rest of the Global Dinner ingredients. Went to Holloway Rd for pineapple- knew there was a Waitrose there that sold fair trade pineapples. Probably wasn't the closest place but I thought it'd take longer to go round looking for somewhere closer. Bus from Aldwych went different way from bus from halls and had to walk back quite a long way from Finsbury Park as didn't realise when it was stop nearest to Holloway Rd.

Got back to LSE about 15 minutes too late for start of computer class. But everything you have to do is in public folders anyway and isn't too hard; is actually more distracting having bloke saying 'Ok, now move on to this bit' atn intervals. Decided not to bother with class but go to copy shop (which would close when the class ended) and get some posters made advertising the UGM. At least I think I did. But another line of thought suggests I printed them on Tuesday morning...

Then went to C120 and worked through computer class to salve conscience (was odd to think was actually going on at that point, just half way through). Turned out this week was stuff about interpretation of graphs statistics etc- just what I really need. Damn. Will have to see if can find someone who'll tell me what the answers turned out to be.

Went home, via WHSmith for drawing pins & blutack and Tesco for final ingredients and made lasagne for main course of rich people's food for Global Dinner. Thought would take quite a long time but was amazed that took 3 hours just to make sauces. Was mainly because vegetables all had to be chopped up very small. Whole thing was finished at about 1am. Didn't really feel like supper in the end so washed hair with last remnants that could be rinsed out of shampoo bottle (for quite a while has always been too late for Boots to be open when I had a moment to buy shampoo) and went to bed, setting new alarm clock.

Tuesday
Arrived on campus later than planned (c. 8.30), having pulled off amazing feat of transporting in 1 large lasagne in glass dish, 5 avocados, 2 pots of yoghurt, 1 pot of cream, 1 blue cheese, 3 large round tupperware containers + 2 lids, 1 tub of walnuts, 1 pepper, 1 cucumber (or rather part thereof), a knife and a spatula, in addition to all my books and folders etc, and what is more having managed to keep the lasagne flat in transit. I'd left the pineapple in a locker overnight. Printed off copies of Global Week poster and UGM flyer/ poster (not without problems with the printer). Went to Copy shop to print copies of same. It had been a while since I'd used those copiers and I managed to print rotated (and thus not fitting) versions on more than half the coloured sheets I'd bought, and before that accidentally print many copies on white paper from the trays instead of on the coloured sheets I was intending to use, due to temporary incompetence. Was 5 to 9 when I'd finished but thought now I'd printed out posters had better put them up.

Arrived late to Multilevel models, for about 4th time in row. 3 hours Multivariate. Was very tired so slept through quite large chunks of it- on purpose, I'm ashamed to say. But must have been doing something right because found the exercises which lecturer breaks up lecture with quite easy (if a little annoying in breaking up my nap). Lecturer gave us 15 minute break and was just settling down to enjoy guilt free nap when LJ turned up- by coincidence having timed it perfectly, as the lecturer wouldn't notice her arriving during the break and thus wouldn't realise she was late. Felt suddenly quite wide awake. Asked LJ if she was still coming to UGM (recall when I explained situation to her last week and asked her if she'd come she said yes quite enthusiastically). Said probably not: lectures finished at 10 and wanted to go home rather than hang around till 1. I was quite put out by this. Actually though it occurred to me afterwards that we finish at 12: that class alternates between finishing at 10 and 12 (there is a computer class every other week) and I'm pretty sure that this week is the week with the class. So maybe I will be able to persuade her tomorrow.

Went with X to Quad where was supposed to be stalls selling food from a different region of the world each day of the week, from 12 to 3. But didn't seem to be there. So went and did 3/4 of an hour's work in the library together (ie sat together not worked together). Then went to have another look, joined by another girl from my course. But food still not there. So were debating what to do next (they seemed to be discussing going to a Thai restaurant and I was waiting for them to suggest it firmly enough for me to be able to explain that I couldn't spare the time to do that, but that they should go and I'd come with them another time) when I saw President of P&P going past, and went to speak to her about lasagne. Turned out we couldn't have fridge to store it in so decided to leave it with people at stall as was pretty cold outside. Went back to girls from my course and explained didn't have time to go to lunch with them, went and talked to people on stall, arranged to leave lasagne there and for one of them who was going back home to make the poor people's food with some other people to take the cream, yoghurt and cheese with her (I was reluctant as she'd have enough trouble bringing the poor people's food in but she insisted). Went and got the lasagne. Of course when I got back to the stall with it the temperature had amazingly risen by a few degrees; still, it was probably better than being in a locker in the Old Building.

Went to have lunch in the Brunch Bowl.

Went to type up what happened in Monday's Sutherland meeting to send to everyone, and found email from General Secretary summing up what we'd said in open meeting week or two ago and what he was going to say to the Director, and email to group from EMCC which let us know what he'd written back to General Secretary. The first point was particularly important: the General Secretary had got down who raised each point but (a) part of the whole point of representation would seem to be so that people don't have to have the School know who they are when they raise a complaint or whatever and (b) the points we made were pretty much agreed by the whole group, or at least a large proportion of it. The second point was also very much worth mentioning: that despite its being an open meeting to which people of any shade of opinion on Sutherland as Chair could come no-one actually professed themselves to be for him. I replied to the General Secretary pointing out an ambiguity of phrasing that showed us in a more unco-operative light than the reality of what we said.

Was going to go to the Living Wage demo for 15 minutes till my class at 5. But after we'd been there for about that long and the Director finally hove in view, and we were all anticipating the focal event of the demonstration: handing him a Golden Mop* award in recognition of his promise to raise cleaner's pay (and to show that we were still monitoring progress and wanted to hold him to making that increase amount to a living wage), the 11 year old schoolgirl (daughter of a cleaner) who was to present it stepped forward and the Chair of the society began his short speech along the lines of 'We wanted to present you with this award-', but the Director just brusquely said 'No' and continued walking. Given that he had been sent an invitation detailing what it was all about it can't really be argued that he just didn't understand what was going on. Everyone was pretty afronted by this. There was much discussion of what the next step was; though after a bit R explained that at the committee meeting it had been decided that if he didn't accept the mop we would 'invade' the Council meeting to try and give it to him again. I struggled for a bit over whether I should be a good girl and go to my computer class, but in spite of the fact that this class really really doesn't have everything that goes on in the public folders, and the lecturer goes over the exercises at the beginning, I just couldn't miss this. We moved outside to take a vote on what we should do, with the options being do nothing, send in a delegation of 5 or so to give the award or all go in, and the resounding verdict was for the latter. However, when the head of the column got outside the doors they made a decision not to go in due to the security guards. There was half an hour or so of negotiation, which only the people right at the front could really hear; those of us just behind relayed down the odd snippets of progress that we gathered. Though it wasn't our intention we were pretty much blocking the stairs, and people were having trouble squeezing past. A security guard who was passing down said to us out of the corner of his mouth 'Don't let them off the hook'. The end result was that the Director said 'I suppose so' to a request sent in in a note that he accept the award at the UGM next week, when he's coming to speak anyway. We went back downstairs and after some discussion of the outcome and a few photos dispersed.

Technically the Regression computer class was still going on but I wasn't going to walk in an hour late. So I took the opportunity to go and get some shampoo while Boots was still open, before going and helping with setting up for the Global Dinner. It soon became clear that the most useful thing I could do was go and print some menus. It didn't take very long to write them, even with getting the fonts just right, but it took ages to get them printed, what with trying a few times in C120, then having to reload my printing credit (I didn't realise it hadn't deducted for the copies it refused to print; it generally does), which had to be done in the library as C120's machine was broken, and trying several times there. Turned out in the end that what I was doing wrong was asking it to print multiple copies, even though there's a multiple copies option. So I just had to press print 10 times.
We couldn't use the kitchen till 8, so I chatted to my flatmates whom I'd persuaded to come along. When we were allowed in, it turned out the regulations said we could only have two (designated) people in there, which meant everything took a very long time indeed. I'd counted on having about three helpers to get everything chopped up quickly for the salads and put them together rapidly (the President suggested I didn't start making them till the evening itself in the interests of freshness). As it was it took probably half an hour or more to get them all ready. We then moved onto the poor people's food- but we'd barely started before the plates came back from the rich people's starters. I was washing up those between helping Ak, who was dishing up the chickpea curry and serving it, but before we'd finished (and that too took a very long time) the President was saying we should be serving the main course for the rich people. As Ak, and later the Treasurer, said, you could see why it sometimes takes a while for orders to arrive in the Underground. We got there in the end though, and were relieved towards the end of the chickpea curry and the beginning of the lasagne by another pair who finished off the curry and lasagne and did the rich dessert. Ak and I got a helping of curry each and went to sit with all the others- the only poor people still eating. I got talking to Sh, whose glasses are of last week's motion fame. He was really nice; I'd never really had the chance to speak to him before. My flatmate offered me her free drinks voucher (she had been one of the rich people), insisting she wasn't going to use it, and I relaxed with an Archers and ice. CMCC played some songs (there was live entertainment throughout the evening); that went down pretty well with everyone, but he didn't play for long as he was coming down with something and hadn't played for ages anyway. I then ended up having a really enthusiastic conversation with Ak about Japan- it came up as she's from there originally though she came here when she was 8. We were so absorbed that we didn't realise the Tresurer and the two who had taken over from us had practically finished the washing up. I went to claim my stuff, had another Archers, had a go with the hula-hoop (I was very bad) along with quite a few other people including the Treasurer, helped to clear up, and went home.

Wednesday
Got up (later than planned), and realised I wasn't going to be able to make it in in time to meet the Residences Officer at 12, as planned, so that I could hand over receipts for the Global Dinner ingredients to her in her capacity as Treasurer of P&P. But that was all right because she'd emailed to say that she would probably not be able to make it until 1 herself. Went in to LSE via Robert Dyas where I got the black paint. Spent a long time making flyers for the UGM, and ended up cutting it a bit fine to meet the Residences Officer at 1, handing out flyers as I went. Couldn't find all the receipts in the end.
Spent the afternoon making oil slicks and a banner for protesting outside the Lawyers' Alumni Dinner that Sutherland was coming to speak at on Thursday, interrupted by two hours of Non-linear Dynamics (I took advantage of the 10 minute break to put up some posters in the Old Building) and making a wodge of flyers for giving out the next day. This would have been a really good way of spending time even without the worthwhile aim of ejecting Sutherland. We were using the Government common room, which seems to be entirely populated by interesting and friendly people (lots of them anti-Sutherlanders, of course, though amazingly there were a few who in spite of having shared said common room with anti-Sutherlanders for months and months were asking as we made the banner etc what the problem with Sutherland is (in a genuine spirit of enquiry, rather than from a position of thinking the answer is 'nothing')).
After I came back from non-linear Dynamics, only D was still making the banner (though JK also came in and out and helped quite a bit). All the letters had been done, and D seemed to have the ballot box bit at the bottom covered, so I was going to paint the coloured outline round the letters (once we had decided that pink might just about be acceptable), but in order to do so I had to wash out one of the paint brushes. I took it down to the basement loos where there was a long trough shaped sink near the ground. Paint certainly seemed to be coming off, but unfortunately as well as going down the plug hole some was sticking to the sink itself. Brushing with the brush removed this easily but added more over a slightly wider area around the originally affected spot. Repeating this cleaning attempt several times I very rapidly ended up with half the sink covered thinly in black. Soon I had abandoned my attempts to clean the brush itself and was just desperately trying to restore the sink to its former gleaming glory. This was hampered by both hands having become covered in black paint. Sometimes the presence of this paint actually seemed to persuade the stuff on the sink to come off when I rubbed with my hands, but more often than not my hands just left more marks, over an increasing area. I was having limited success with my thumbnails, though it was taking a very long time, when my cardigan sleeve (already slightly wet) rubbed against the rim, and seemed to take some of the stuff off. Since I was pretty sure that the only other way to get rid of it all would be paint thinner or similar, which I didn't have, I took the cardigan off and rubbed it experimentally on the sink. It worked wonders. One rub and the paint came off. Very soon the sink was clean again and I breathed a sigh of relief. Luckily the cardigan was about 6 years old, and, more importantly, looks like it will probably recover from its ordeal. Soon after I finished, D came in to wash her own paint brush, and said that soap got the paint off- somehow I hadn't bothered trying soap as I'd just assumed it wouldn't work on something like paint, but she was absolutely right.

*R told me that she was the one who made the mop, and I was suitably impressed