A danger to myself

I did it again, after promising myself I wouldn't. There was this big silence when the lecturer (and course tutor) called for a volunteer to be the Course Representative today, and guess what happened. The problem is that in these situations I have two simultaneous thoughts:

1 I think about how I need things to put on my CV, and chances to improve various skills, and in any case, these things always sound quite interesting.

2 But I also think that someone else would probably make a better job of whatever it is- by being more skilled and talented, and by going the extra mile compared to me. And, especially this year, I recall that I've already taken up a few positions and so had better leave some for someone else.

3 If I'm being honest, I suppose at the back of my mind is a reluctance to compete for the posts against anybody- partly for the reasons in 2, but also because I'm not very good at promoting myself and don't much like it, and though I'm prepared to put effort into the post, I don't want to put effort into running for the post.

So I'm generally tempted to volunteer for things, but usually held back by 2 and 3. But if there are no volunteers, then both points disappear- it won't take much effort to be selected, I can't be hogging anything if no-one else wants it, and I'm bound to be more of a success than no-one at all (or someone who already has too much to do but is pressured into taking this on as well). Then point 4 jumps into my mind:

4 You'll regret it if you miss this opportunity

At this point, my arm is raised and I'm diffidently saying something along the lines of 'I'll do it' or 'Go on then'.

It's all complicated a little more by the fact that perception of time is relative though- what I think is a big enough pause to knock out 2 and 3 may actually be just shorter than the length of time that other people who were only going to volunteer if no-one else did- quite possibly for the same reasons as me- would wait, and when I piped up today I may have actually prevented someone else from taking it on. Though it's not entirely my fault as, in spite of saying if there was more than one candidate we'd have a vote, the lecturer didn't ask if anyone else was interested after I volunteered (time was admittedly getting on); had he done so there would have been a chance for anyone I'd cut in front of to put their name forward too.

It wasn't even the only time today I broke a promise to myself that I wouldn't do something again- last week I promised myself I wouldn't leave my pen in the Computational Statistics computer class room again; today I left my pencil. Though luckily I did get it back.

At least it put out of my mind the annoying incident of this morning- another chapter in the great Reasons Why LSE Only Accepts Psychic Students. I was wheeling my bike towards the good parking spot I'd found a few days in- some railings near the three Towers where there was usually some space, especially at around 9 or 10. In order to reach it without having to go down a flight of steps, you need to use the entrance next to the Royal Courts of Justice, which is on my route anyway- one reason why I liked the spot is that otherwise I'd have to use the other entrance and push my bike a long way round Aldwych on the crowded pavement, since all the other bike parking spaces can only be reached from the Royal Courts of Justice entrance by going up the steps. Anyway, I was approaching it today when I was told by a man who was obviously hovering to intercept people planning to put their bikes there that the spaces were only for people who worked in the three Towers. Which is their right; what I object to is the lack of clarity- the sign simply says that bikes can be parked in the 'zone', with an arrow showing that the zone is comprised of most of the railings. Nothing about being for three Towers staff only. Given that the Towers are part of LSE, or at least they are according to LSE's map and I have no reason to suppose otherwise, I would have said that the sign as it stands gives permission to any member of staff, student or visitor of LSE, if not to the general public (it may actually be on a right of way, I'm not sure). What I'm trying to say is, if they don't want people to put their bikes there, why don't they have a sign that says so? As it was, because I didn't have too long before my lecture*, I didn't want to go back out and round the long (and crowded) way, and so was left with the alternative of manhandling my bike up the steps (about one storey's worth)- which wasn't easy, especially as my helmet, which I'd put in the basket when I dismounted, fell out when I was about two or three steps up and I had to reverse to pick it up- luckily some kind soul got it for me as I'm not quite sure I'd have managed otherwise... Once up the steps I was able to find a space quite close by- but if it had been later in the day I'd probably have been unlucky. At least now I know I will just go the long way round from the outset and won't have to negotiate the steps again. But I would have appreciated being able to do that this morning.
On a calmer note, Principles and Methods of Statistical Practice (the one with the lecturer with the boring voice), which was easy probability last week, has now become quite a bit harder- not that this is a great surprise. I'd read the notes in advance (to try to combat the problem of drifting off in class due to said boring voice), but hadn't got round to trying out any problems, and once again, after an hour of going through the theory, the lecturer started working through some of the excercises, which I found a little frustrating- I'm right behind the excercises being gone through, I'd just like a chance to have a go first, so I can see whether (or how much) I can manage unaided. Technically, the 'deadline'- I use inverted commas because the work isn't handed in so nothing actually happens if you miss it- isn't till Friday or next Tuesday, so it's not just my fault for not doing them soon enough- but all the same, I'm going to try and find time to do the next lot before Tuesday's class. On the plus side, though the lecturer still has a boring voice, with the increase in difficulty of the material he no longer sounds quite so much like he's being forced to say things he believes are unnecessary due to everyone already knowing them.

Computational Statistics, which I mentioned yesterday was a little harder than before, also took a lot longer this time- last week I'd done almost all the excercise by the end of the lesson, but this time I was only about a quarter of the way through; not the end of the world as I can finish it in my own time, but it does add to the workload!

As well as five hours of lectures, I had two committee meetings today. I didn't really have to go to them, but though I've used up all the major commitment I want to for this year, I do want to get involved with other things in a small way- and find out what's going on with some of the other societies I've joined. I couldn't make the French Connection [French Society]'s AGM, as it clashed with the last hour of the boring voiced lecturer; in any case it's probably just as well as I should be kept away from AGMs since that's where they elect people for the year! Though I did manage to go to the Living Wage Campaign's AGM without standing for anything (it was quite an effort though; possibly the only thing that saved me when there was a lack of response for Treasurer was the knowledge that you're not allowed to be Treasurer of more than one society). Two of the three Green Party committee members that I, shall we say, mentioned before, were there, though I didn't really get to talk to them, so that added a certain something. As far as the actual content of the meeting went, it was interesting and important (the aim of the society is to get all cleaners working at LSE- both on campus and in halls- the Living Wage, which is the same idea as the Minimum Wage, but adjusted for London prices- it's about £7.05 an hour or something), but I was pretty tired, and I wasn't sure how much of what the society plans to do would actually be within my capabilities- the one thing every member would be expected to contribute seems to be trying to persuade the academics in their department to back the Living Wage and if possible to make a Departmental statement saying so: I can really see how this would help but I'm not very good at persuading people; I tend to be a bit too diffident and ready to see the other person's point of view**; also I'm not sure about being able to do it without a thorough briefing on what to say in terms of what the current situation is, why it needs changing, and what other departments have done already- I know why it has to be changed but don't have enough good factual points for a convincing argument.

Before the Living Wage Campaign, I went to the People and Planet meeting- luckily that wasn't an AGM- they had that the other week but I was busy- but an ordinary committee meeting (it seems to be the general rule of societies that ordinary members can attend committee meetings without having to be elected to positions). I joined the Trade Justice group (they have three campaigning strands, the other two being Climate change and AIDS; SC2 who was also there joined the Climate change one and said she'd fill me in on what they were doing so I felt able to join one of the other two), and felt like I didn't really know enough about the current Fair Trade situation at LSE or the possibilities out there to make much of a contribution- but I did volunteer to put posters up for an event about World Poverty on Monday evening- the posters need to go up early on Thursday and Friday and as I have a nine o'clock lecture both days and aim to arrive around 8.30 that should be easy. That's the level of contribution I'm hoping to be able to make to everything except the Green Party, the Course Representative thing, and the Sustainability Champion scheme...

*Ok, and because I wanted to show how much inconvenience this was going to cause me... yes, I realise this weakens my point about the advantages of being told (by better signage) in advance

**Of course this can be a vital ingredient of persuading people, but what I mean is that they actually persuade me