So this is busy...

I seem to remember, looking back through the haze to the distant past of Fresher's Week, three weeks ago, noting that although I'd expected to be sitting around twiddling my thumbs and wondering how to fill in the time what with lectures not starting till the next week and there only being a couple of registration events, in fact the week had turned out to be pretty busy. I'd like to revise that statement. I have vague recollections of sleeping in late, sitting in my room reading newspapers and eating chocolate, taking leisurely bus trips to pick up some essential items, transplanting some herb seedlings to pots, and getting through an awfull lot of 813/Les Trois Crimes d'Arsene Lupin. That was not busy. This is busy.

Yesterday, though, was something of an island of calm. True, I didn't have time for everything I wanted to do (or, it would be more accurate to say, really ought to have done)- for example, I didn't check up on the Civil Service application deadline or make a start on filling out the form; nor did I write the letter to be sent with a cheque to my supervisor from my time in Japan- which really is pretty urgent considering I sent off for the cheque* in July... But I didn't have to go anywhere, I got some work done, and some laundry (and even hoovered my room and cleaned the sink and shower), emailed CMCC to ask about the details for the Environmental Forum on Tuesday (turns out he was ill on Saturday, poor thing**), went to see the President of the Residents' Committee about planning a quiz in halls for LSE's Climate Change Awareness Week***- he said it was basically a good idea but we needed to draw up a 'business plan' with all the details and estimates of what budget we were asking for for food- and then got to bed at a reasonable time. Put like that, it sounds quite a lot, but I wasn't hurrying to fit things in or stressing so it felt quite relaxed.

Today was a different matter. I only have one lecture, at 2 o'clock, on Mondays, but in the morning I'd planned to go and see the halls manager with SC2, to find out whether he approved the leaflet we'd designed, show him the recycling poster and hopefully get that approved too, and if possible make a start on printing them out and distributing them. However, I wasn't sure what time SC2 wanted to go, and she hadn't been in when I'd phoned last night, so I decided to call her at 10 to 9, on the grounds that 9 was the earliest she'd be planning to go (it was up to her because there had been some question over whether she'd go by herself or whether we'd go together, and I wasn't sure if she knew I was coming too, and because I didn't have a lecture till 2 so any time in the morning was fine by me). This was something of a mistake, because I think I woke her up. But we arranged to go at 11, and in the meantime, I had breakfast and got on with some work.

At 11, we turned up at reception but found that the manager was busy dealing with things round the building. The receptionist offered to call me when he came back. I went back up and got on with the business plan for the quiz- having now had a chance to talk to SC2 about it and it having been decided that I'd do it and email it to her for her approval rather than us working on it together. In my desire to get it finished and sent to her before leaving for college, I carried on working till 1.30 instead of leaving at 1 as I would ideally have done (and then got some lunch in the half hour or so between arriving and my lecture), though it still wasn't ready; then I remembered that as reception hadn't phoned I'd need to talk to SC2 and ask her whether she was going to be around so that I should get them to phone her instead on the way out, or whether she was busy and we should just do it another day. Simultaneously emailing myself the business plan, so as to be able to carry on working on it at LSE (I don't have a USB stick), I rang her up and established that she wouldn't be around much longer herself. All well and good, but she wanted me to make an appointment for her to speak to him the next day (I wouldn't be able to make it because of lectures)- and I was already cutting it too fine timewise. However it seemed rude to refuse and also to take longer to explain why so though I did stress I might not have time I agreed. I hastily grabbed together everything I thought I'd need (forgetting of course the piece of paper (a printout of the commands I'd used for the Computational Statistics homework excercise) I particularly needed for the lecture), and rushed downstairs only to bump into the manager in the courtyard. I didn't show how much of a hurry I was in, but talked nicely to him while thinking "Aaargh! Must get move on!" and established that he liked the leaflet, but (I think) still needed to talk to us, and that I hadn't brought the poster with me so couldn't show him. I tried to make an appointment with him for SC2, but he didn't seem to do making appointments so I gave up. Having exchanged some final leisurely banalities on how a recycling poster was a good idea, and the recycling scheme was a good idea, I rushed upstairs and to the bike store, and paused at reception on the way out to let them know I no longer needed to be phoned. That part was ok, but making an appointment was harder- as I suddenly realised I had no idea of SC2's schedule for the next day. I was also not thinking at peak performance due to large areas of brain processor being taken up with the aforementioned "Aaargh!", and wasted a bit of time refusing to suggest a time more definite than 'morning', till I realised they weren't going to pick one for me, but luckily at that point she suggested calling SC2 to make the appointment herself, and I only too gladly gave her her extension number.

I went as fast as I could- running in some of the places where I had to push the bike (where it wasn't too crowded), pedalling as fast as possible in others, and taking what I hoped was a slightly quicker route- it was the way I'd been diverted on Saturday, which I'd always meant to try out before then, and which was probably slightly further but involved fewer turns and shorter traffic lights so I was guessing wouldn't take so long. As always, I looked at all the clocks I pass on the way in- there are quite a few of them though they tend to come in bunches which isn't quite so helpfull, and one or two have stopped, so, especially close to the time of day that they show, you have to be carefull and remember. They weren't very encouraging- it looked like I would be 5 to 10 minutes late. That is, I would arrive at 10 or 15 minutes past- since, like UCL, LSE starts its lectures at five minutes past the hour (and finishes them at five to), to allow everyone time to transfer between consecutive classes. It was just on one as I approached LSE- but I still had to wheel the bike round to campus, and more importantly, find a space to park it. Already a little out of breath, I walked as quickly as possible- which was not very through the crowds on Houghton St (where I spotted the Returning Officer, who was one of the other two who came to the Archway event, gave him a smile and nod of recognition, and absently took a flyer off him before speeding up). Luckily there was a space behind St Clement's Building. I locked the bike, again as quickly as possible, but it still took a while, and ran off to my lecture, in one of the buildings off Aldwych, till I had to slow to a brisk walk. I ran up the stairs and got to the lecture under five minutes late, I think, but probably bright red and with an extraordinary amount of sweat moistening my forehead.

Afterwards I was able to slow down a little and get some lunch, from Kantan again****, and even had time to go and see if they had any copies of the Guardian left in the college shop (they didn't, which was a shame because today was the wallchart of apples, I think, and I really wanted that one though I don't know where I'd find room to put it). Then I went to the library to finish off the business plan- there wasn't really much more to do, though it's probably too long- I think the President was expecting half a page and I did about three and a half though the last one and a half were listing the details of my estimate for the food and drink budget (which I did last night using Sainsbury's online shopping prices, for which I was very gratefull, and some probably very bad estimates of the likely maximum number of people (50) and how much food it would take to feed them). I also printed out a copy of the recycling poster- I'd had to alter it slightly after scanning it onto my computer and haven't sorted out my printer yet so had emailed it to myself to do in college. But I found when I printed it out that the fault line to the right of the image wasn't just some quirk of the way it appeared on screen but was actually a part of the file that had got in there goodness knows how. I didn't correct it at that stage (I'd already logged off the computer and couldn't be bothered to fight for one again), but went to do some work instead. Finishing reading the Computational Statistics notes was fine. Attempting Principles and Methods questions was not so fine. They seemed pretty much impossible (the applied maths problem I think- looks like I need a bit more brushing up- though I don't know when I'll find the time!). Eventually I left them and went to sort out the poster. I managed to get rid of the main fault line by selecting and moving rectangles- many many rectangles as the thing came up too large on the screen to do the whole lot in one. At least I was able to leave the all white bits where they were... This wasn't quite the end of the problem though: there were quite a few places where it had put a small black stripe in a white area and a small white stripe in a black area- like a pulled thread in printed cotton. I didn't have time to fix this as I wanted to go to the People and Planet event at 6.30.

The event, entitled "Is Poverty History?", comprised three speakers- one from Oxfam, one from War on Want, and one from Jubilee Debt Campaign. As always, I can't remember too much of what they said (I was finding it hard to concentrate in any case), but perhaps the most interesting point was about attatching conditions to foreign aid. Conditions had already been mentioned by more than one of the speakers as bad- since they had included forcing a country to privatise everything such as water and electricity and so on before a western country would cancel their debt, and requiring a certain proportion of aid to be spent on the donor country's products- but an audience member (the Students' Union Treasurer, I believe) asked whether conditions could sometimes be good- for example, requiring human rights abuses to be tackled before providing money. The panel seemed agreed that the answer was basically no- conditions could be attatched specific to projects, such as stipulating that they must fulfill environmental or equal rights standards, but more general conditions wouldn't work because the countries would probably resent being told what to do and refuse, and in any case, combatting things like human rights abuses only really worked when it came from the people within- so funding those groups would make better sense (I think that's what they said).

After the talk, I went to Sainsbury's on Holborn after some mustard, milk and the Guardian, the first two being all I needed to supplement what I already had to make supper. Believe it or not, I actually drew a blank on all three items. I suppose it's not surprising that they were sold out of the Guardian at that time of day, nor that they only had big bottles of milk unless you wanted skimmed or semi-skimmed, but I think maybe I wasn't looking properly for the mustard because it would be very bizarre of them not to have that. It wasn't entirely a wasted trip though- on the way back I bumped into CMCC with the Residences Officer, on the way to buy him some tablets. After several days of looking at photos of him, online and in the Beaver, the real thing was almost unrecognisable- but a lot better. I couldn't believe it was the same person as the photos- or even as I saw only last Thursday (the photos must have edited over my memory). Sadly the meeting rather re-opened to questioning the whole single theory though- I think they were holding hands when they first came up, and at one point he put his arm round her- only as far as her nearer shoulder, or on her neck, I think, but still. Of course, with most people, this would be conclusive evidence of something going on there and only a fool would not clearly see the choice between making the supreme effort to expunge him from their mind, and getting hit, every time they saw him, with the twin blows of joy at being in his presence and the horrible certainty that he was not available. But in this case, I genuinely think it's open to doubt- because he is quite a tactile person (I seem to remember him touching one of the Green Party people, whom I don't think he even knew that well, on the shoulder in the pub at Archway), and as I said has no concept of personal space. I could easily believe that's how he behaves with his female best friend (which is what she is if she's not his girlfriend). At the same time, the gesture did make them look so much like a couple. So I really don't know. I couldn't help going and looking at his MySpace page again; it still says single but as it hasn't been updated since I last looked that's not that much of a surprise. Hers also says single (yes, I know, I shouldn't have)- but what if he's going out with her but wants to keep it quiet for some reason? Or just has completely forgotten that there's an entry on his page that needs changing now? Or if they're going through something complicated that is basically the beginning of a relationship but feel it would be too presumptuous to give it that name yet?

However, I do for once have something of a plan. It's not a great plan, but at least the probability of it somehow leading to his deciding to shun me for the rest of his life is, as far as I can see, encouragingly small. As far as settling the 'Are they...?' question, there are four possible options (which correspond very nicely to the possible subsets of the set {CMCC, Residences Officer}- oh dear, indelible mathematician streak), which all involve finding, or engineering, a point in the conversation where it would be at least passably natural to casually ask whether the two of them are going out. The options are: to ask it when talking to both of them together (in a similar but presumably longer situation to tonight), to ask just him if the two of us are ever alone together, to ask just her, if I ever see her without him, and to find some third party who might be expected to know and ask them. Assuming I actually go for any of these, I reckon it will be the seemingly scariest asking him: I'm not sure I can think of anyone else I know of who would know- or at least, no-one I'd be likely to see for long enough and in an appropriate setting (in the middle of a committee meeting chaired by one or the other of them in their capacities as co-chair being obviously not a viable option), and I can't see myself happening to be spending time with her and without him- so far, whenever I've met her, he's always been there too. Again, I'm not quite sure if I'll bump into them both together again, and if I did I probably wouldn't manage to carry it off convincingly with no advance warning- and might well just forget in the stress of the moment. Though this still remains the second choice.

But getting back to the plan: Basically, I am going to try to be the last one out of the meeting tomorrow (where I don't think the Residences Officer will be; she'll be chairing the committee meeting on Wednesday so that's a less good second option for the timing of this)(assuming he also lingers talking to people which seems likely- otherwise just to try and leave at the same time as him), and I am going to say in a friendly and casual way 'What are you up to now? Have you already eaten?'- this can't be too forward as I'm sure he's asked me what I was up to in the past though not, I think, with the intention of inviting me to do anything. I myself won't have eaten, since I have three hours of lectures followed straight by the meeting; he probably will but might still come and have a cup of tea or something; if he hasn't eaten so much the better- we might be able to get lunch together without me taking him away from his busy schedule! Admittedly, I'm not quite sure what I say to convey an invitation to lunch/ tea while not asking outright so as not to make it awkward for him to refuse (I don't want him to have to tell me he's sorry but he's very busy as I'll feel like I'm trying to steal his valuable time). But hopefully something will occur to me. I'm also not sure how I ditch SC2 (who hasn't met him yet, I believe- and probably won't know anyone else there- and we'll probably be sitting next to each other and she may wait to talk to me as we leave)- though she's a lovely person, in this case her company is surplus to requirements, but I may have to take her as well as if she's standing next to me when I screw up my courage and pronounce the Phrase, I can hardly fail to include her in any invitation, implicit or otherwise (if I'm lucky she'll have a lecture (and he won't)).

Assuming I've got him to myself over some lunch or a cup of tea- and that is something of an assumption- I may or may not proceed with Part 2. This is to turn the conversation towards the Residences Officer and ask quite casually and naturally "Are you two going out?". I'm not quite sure I can bring it off though... It doesn't have to be 100% natural- provided he isn't going out with her (or anyone else), letting him just get the idea that I might have a deeper motive for asking, far from hurting, might well help- but if it starts being at all obvious then I'm just going to look silly and not a very attractive proposition. Anyway, I have three possible next lines, depending on his reaction. If he looks rather shocked and awkward to be asked, I hastily apologise and say of course it's a really personal question, and I don't expect him to answer. If he says they are indeed going out, then I do not look disappointed in any way, but probably say 'Wow, I was right for once! I'm usually completely hopeless at picking up on these things' (true)- thus presenting it as someone wishing to settle a bet with themselves. If he says they're not, then I have to get just the right amount of happiness into my face- wild triumph is no good as besides being rather premature, with there still being the little matter of whether he's actually interested in me, it just looks mad and offputting. Again, the key is just enough- he should think "Wait a minute, does she look pleased about that?" but not be sure I do. As far as words go, I'm probably best to go with something non-committal like 'Oh right?', in a slightly (very slightly) surprised tone, and he will then probably ask why I should think that, I'll mention the hand round the shoulder thing in a very casual offhand way ("Oh, it's just last night............. so I thought maybe you were going out, that's all")- thus establishing that I did have some fairly solid grounds for believing it was possible and am not a wierd person who invents relationships everywhere.

Anyway, the rest of my day. I finished putting the poster right on the library computers, came home (via Tesco which did have the milk and mustard though not the Guardian), made a detour to C Block to put a print out of the proper version of the recycling poster under SC2's flat door (we can't get into other people's flats as these as well as the individual bedrooms have locks which need key cards), then made supper (basically macaroni cheese but with broccoli in), came back here, checked email (found brain evidently not working too well earlier as one of emails to SC2 not delivered due to me typing 'yahoo.co.fr' instead of 'yahoo.fr'), checked whether CMCC's MySpace page still said single...

*Sent off for rather than wrote because it's a foreign currency cheque

**I debated whether to mention the fact that I was also feeling a bit ill (sore throat- like having breathed water through one's nose when swimming, to be precise- plus slight temperature) in my reply, and think I may have come down on the wrong side: against it is obviously that it implies I can't hear of someone's misfortune without turning the topic round to me, and that, seeing that I went to the event on Saturday, it looks a bit like saying he was being pathetic and should have been there too (not what I believe since I have no doubt he was quite a bit iller than me- otherwise he would never have missed hearing two of the speakers in particular); for, that not to mention my illness would be to imply that I was heroic enough to carry on without complaining while he had to let everyone know about it (again, not the case as he had to mention his illness to explain why he didn't come on Saturday whereas I didn't have to mention mine- though in any case this would only apply if he found out about my being ill which is admittedly unlikely), and that it made for more of a conversation (and who knows, fellow feeling?) as I could mention my illness casually (in such a way as to suggest it wasn't nearly as bad as his) and then go on to point out what he probably knows already, that this is a prime time for illnesses with new students bringing new infections in- but at least it's more interested and friendly than a simple 'Sorry to hear you're unwell. Hope you get better soon'. Anyway, I went for mentioning it and now think maybe it would have been better if I hadn't... more to the point, maybe it would be better if I stopped analysing everything, but that's not going to happen. I have an analytic and overactive mind. Alas.

***SC2 and I had wanted to speak to him about this for a while but had to wait untill he was actually elected (along with the other committee members), then try to get his email address, which we did by emailing someone else, and were still waiting for a reply when we got an email sent to all residents saying the President would be in the common room between 9 and 10 on Sunday evening if anyone wanted to discuss anything. SC2 couldn't make it though.

****Ginger^, sweet chilli sauce and spring onions this time. I knew the ginger would be hot, but even though it was pickled I hoped it might be good for my immune system

^The root, not my friend